May I share my family? By GJ

First, I want to share my sons! Okay, so my wife gave birth only to two daughters. That's all right, because I miraculously added some sons as we went along. You've met Charlie, an alumnus of Charleston, IL High School, class of 1961. From time to time I'd like you to meet the rest of these men.

Most recently on my mind is Carey, class of 1972, Niles North HS, Skokie, IL.

Carey called me last night to wish us a "happy day-after 61st anniversary." We call each other, I'd guess, 4 to 6 times a year. Carey is a physics professor at a South Florida college and working on his PhD. (He hopes to earn it this year.) He and his wife, Osa, have a two-year-old boy, Benjamin.

The tie that binds us is that Carey was on my debate team of about 1969-72. We probably went to 25 or 30 tournaments, almost all of which were "overnighters." This means that we spent about 30 hours per weekend together, counting travel in my car. Even if I'm off by 20%, we spent a conservative 400 hours of togetherness. There were often three of us (Carey and his partner, Allan) and sometimes five of us. (A second team of two.) We often had four meals per weekend, thus about 80 of those. If I count the hours we spent in practice sessions, or "work" sesions outside of the actual competition, well, I won't even start on that.

I was told more than once and by more than one rival coach that Carey was the best debater in the state, probably as early as his junior year. What impressed me most, and still does, is his utter self-lessness. For one thing, he actually gave help and advice to younger debaters, those from rival schools! When he became a hired judge for me while at Northwestern U., he took the time to teach the debaters he was judging. (He was also blessed with instinctive tact...so much so that he could teach a lesson without revealing who had won or lost!)

For another thing, Carey voluntarily relinquished that position (first affirmative) which almost always won an individual speaking award, separate from team wins or losses. Just because a partner wanted that position was plenty good enough for Carey.

The greatest joy I ever had as a coach was when we were both appointed judges at my alma-mater's annual tournament at U. of IL. Here we were, just a couple of years after he graduated, peers. It was terribly gratifying to me. (I was to have that honor again, when another son became a coach/judge, himself. More on Howie in another chapter.)

Finally, there is the almost spiritual nature of our phone calls. We seem to communicate well beyond time and space. (The many months between calls, and the 200 miles we are apart.) I get a sense that we can almost complete each other's sentences at times. For one thing, we enjoy discussing concepts, like "propensities," for instance. Now that he is a papa, Carey seems more than ever interested as he watches his boy grow up. If we lived 190 miles closer, I have no doubt that we would have collborated on a book by now, quite possibly on education.

Here's to you, my boy. May we have many more of our wonderful chats. Love, "Dad."